Numb.

Do I really have to make note of the fact that I haven’t written in a while? I guess I just did–there’s the note.

I don’t know what it is– but I think after you experienced heart wrenching pain once in your life, any other hurt that comes your way can’t really ever compare. Sometimes I will think to myself–”I really should be crying now” but nothing comes.  Instead I just feel blank, numb, but not numb enough not to feel something.

I’m sitting in my office–one of the only dicks still “working” on this entire floor and I feel slightly insane. I alternate from feeling nothing to angry to depressed to happy.

I want someone to take hold and grab me just to shout their life in my face and have it be so filled with emotion and feeling and pain that it instantaneously causes my own to come pouring out of me. I need a release.

I need to not feel so kind of-sort -of numb.