.Borrowed Thoughts.

I love Kate Winslet…

The first time I watched this I thought it was melodramatic-I almost started to laugh but..it has definitely grown on me.

Under here, I am made ready
And under here, I am washed clean
And I glow with the greatness of my hate for you

Ute Lemper- Little Water Song (Mp3)

At night sometimes I just lay here and grind my teeth feeling this powerful intense surge of hateness. But I know it’s not hate — it is this mad feverish form of love disguised as hate. It’s much too angry and much too big to feel like gentle, innocent, soft vulnerable love. But that’s what it is, underneath it all…

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.”

- Julie de Lespinasse

My teeth are going to shatter one of these days…

Attachments are really our attempt to feel secure.
The consciousness of a person who cannot transcend
the lower levels of the heart center
of attachment and possession
will always alternate between pleasure and pain…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of loving without possession and if it is truly possible. I believe it is. I think, either through your own spiritual/emotional growth or some kind of life-altering event, you start to look at love, and relationships a little bit differently than you have in the past. I’ve had lots of alone time to just think of previous experiences, things I’ve done and said, a specific time and chain of events, etc. It’s led me to the conclusion that I have acted and thought about things in a really selfish way. It’s crazy what I am about to write because I never thought I’d think this way but…

Why can’t I let someone who is madly in love with me be in love with another? I mean :shrugs: if the feelings are genuine – then well, it is what it is. As long as there is honesty, openness, communication and a willingness for both people to still work things out — then who’s to say it won’t be fulfilling? I can still feel special and loved unconditionally/deeply without being the only one receiving that kind of love from the person. It isn’t as if the heart’s capacity to love is maxed out at a certain point-I think that is a very narrow view. Why would I put someone who I honestly love with all of me in the position to choose from two options they don’t want to let go of? It would then be MY choice to step away if I couldn’t deal. If I still want to give my heart to the person, then well, I should, regardless of circumstance.

(more…)

I must have this …how sexy?

I love the shape of the blade…The way it narrows down at the tip…The handle I am not that crazy about but I’m obsessed with the steel… I have always had an interest in collecting custom, unique knives but never started… I think this one may be my first ;) I find knives somewhat erotic, though I am aware many people will think that’s odd… While I don’t want to ramble on about this subject, I do believe knife play can be sexy (and you don’t need to break skin), when you have a lover whom you trust completely…

This topic gives me an excuse to include a song by one of my most favorite bands; The Knife.

The Knife – Heartbeats (One Music Session) (Mp3)

One night of magic rush
The start: a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief …

We had a promise made
We were in love

This is also appropriate ;)

Kleerup – Until We Bleed (feat Lykke Li) (Mp3)

Lights black; heads bang
You’re my drug
We live it
You’re drunk, you need it
Real love, I’ll give it
So we’re bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

You wasted your times
On my heart
You’ve burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you’ll fall too…

I love them…

Flunk – 13 Kemikal Girl (Mp3)

And I can’t go, where I want to

Choosing, losing
Finding my way through the rain
Losing, choosing
All of my thoughts go insane

Finding my way through the lonely days
It’s like rainy days
And I can’t go, where I choose
I can’t go, where I want to

Who would dare to bring me love?

…Who would dare to bring me love?

Sigh… So perfect… I love music because it allows me to soak into my feelings and thoughts, without having to properly express them myself…

Her voice sounds so sad, tender, fragile…beautiful…Cuts rights through me, but helps me to fall asleep at the same time.

Live Version: (lyrics are a little different)

Flunk- Kemikal Girl (Live at Kexp) (mp3)

Like many 80s babies… He was such a huge important part of my childhood..I was obsessed…

I’m Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It’s Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

I have loved this song ever since I was 18… First heard it watching Chasing Amy.

Enjoy

You don’t have to lie about where you’ve been.
We both know you’ve been screaming…
So why don’t you give your little voice a rest,
climb on up inside my bed, and just pretend you need me?

You don’t have to lie about what you know.
We both know I’ve been suffering…
And I don’t need to be your only one,
and I don’t need your comforting
I just need you with me.

Stay with me…

…and Sunrise… I wish they’d make a third …

These scenes make me short of breath…because I am a sap and a hopeless romantic…

This is a good one too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCZqQf6Xunk

If you haven’t seen these films, well… you should :) Kind of tears my heart while giving me hope at the same time.

aaaaaand – Bye.

The end of this song absolutely kills me…Wait for it…

Vocals are from Nicola Hitchcock – formerly of Mandalay…this song is beautiful…

Sleepthief (Nicola Hitchcock) You Did a Good Thing

I’m still here

She was your childhood friend
All your heart you gave her
And though the times have changed her
She will always be home

Losing yourself you did a good thing
Truth never hurt you did a good thing
In spite of yourself you did a good thing
Truth will be told you did a good thing

I’m still here

She was your childhood sweetheart
(So understand)
All of this trouble you feel
(Time can’t take her from you)
The time won’t take her from you
She’ll always be home

Losing yourself you did a good thing
Truth never hurt you did a good thing
In spite of yourself you did a good thing
Truth will be told you did a good thing

You did a good thing

And I’ll miss you for the longest time
Our lovely view was the best I’ve known
Tears on my face have fallen so
So long there can be no harder way…

Sometimes the way I feel about a song is the way I feel about a lover the first time you meet them and realize they are THE one or at least will be one of the top loves of your lives… It is this excitement -an electricity that surges through your body…This person comes to  you at what seems to be the most perfect moment…despite what may be going on around you… That’s how I feel about this song as I re-discovered it today….

One of my most favorite Radiohead songs… I love the live versions best…or this one because of the slight lyric change/addition…

You are my center when I spin away

Out of control on videotape…

This is my way of saying goodbye

Because I can’t do it face to face

So I’m talking to you after it’s too late

From my videotape…

On June 25, 2008 I had a dream in which I wrote a “poem”… So I woke up and typed it right away so I wouldn’t forget it…I was looking through old documents today and came across it… So dramatic…even in dreams ;)

She made a video telling her loved one what she means to her — sent it and went to sleep only to be awoken by the most horrible nightmare she has ever had.

Sweat dripping down her back she struggles to get up and take a sip of water to quench her parched dry lips. It is then she realizes her true nightmare is fears realized in her waking life.

She kisses the sky and waves goodbye as a single tear falls down her face.
This life is too hard and this world is too cruel and why fight for love when all fighting will do is keep you the fool…

I always thought this was really cute :) and true… The heart hangs onto love longer than the mind wants to at times…

Too many times, I have wanted
To turn around and walk away
Knowing deep inside
You can’t provide what I need from you anyway

But do you know, It doesn’t change
The way I feel about you at the end of the day
Because I know
That all I want is what you got

I tell you that I want to go, but I want to stay
I want to stay, I want to stay, I want to stay
But I know I’m gonna lose myself this way…