.possession.

Attachments are really our attempt to feel secure.
The consciousness of a person who cannot transcend
the lower levels of the heart center
of attachment and possession
will always alternate between pleasure and pain…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of loving without possession and if it is truly possible. I believe it is. I think, either through your own spiritual/emotional growth or some kind of life-altering event, you start to look at love, and relationships a little bit differently than you have in the past. I’ve had lots of alone time to just think of previous experiences, things I’ve done and said, a specific time and chain of events, etc. It’s led me to the conclusion that I have acted and thought about things in a really selfish way. It’s crazy what I am about to write because I never thought I’d think this way but…

Why can’t I let someone who is madly in love with me be in love with another? I mean :shrugs: if the feelings are genuine – then well, it is what it is. As long as there is honesty, openness, communication and a willingness for both people to still work things out — then who’s to say it won’t be fulfilling? I can still feel special and loved unconditionally/deeply without being the only one receiving that kind of love from the person. It isn’t as if the heart’s capacity to love is maxed out at a certain point-I think that is a very narrow view. Why would I put someone who I honestly love with all of me in the position to choose from two options they don’t want to let go of? It would then be MY choice to step away if I couldn’t deal. If I still want to give my heart to the person, then well, I should, regardless of circumstance.

I think so many relationships fail because one person forces another (or themselves) into this perfect box (as dictated by society mainly) they are supposed to perfectly fit into. If they can’t fit — then we try to do whatever we can to make sure they do fit and if after all that they still don’t–  we get fed up and leave, resenting them. That isn’t fair. What if the person is only molding into this pre-conceived, pre-built notion you have of who they should be (for you) because they are either holding things back or not being themselves fully? Why would you want that? I don’t… I never want to force someone to love me, and I don’t want someone to love me but at the cost of having to give up so many of their other desires, wishes, dreams, hopes, etc. If they are doing that – it is to make me happy and I don’t want to love someone because they are making me happy! Happiness is my own responsibility and happiness is shared – not given/taken. I love because I love – not because of the rewards I may get for loving.

Yes, love is about sacrifice, but not the sacrifice(s) someone feels they MUST/SHOULD make in order to KEEP you. If someone is loving you but is still wanting things (or another) and your love won’t ever be able to allow them these things — then, they aren’t loving you completely anyway. Partially because they won’t feel they can even communicate this with you. Do they really want to give these things up – or do they because of the fear of losing you? If that person shares these wants/desires– and you shun them, you aren’t loving them completely either. You are loving the part of them that only wants YOU. The parts that only coincide with what makes YOU happy. That again, is selfish.

I think once you see a loved one as a blessing in your life — not a trophy or possession – that is when you’ll truly feel free. Yes, one day they may decide to get up and leave…go in a different direction, but why harp on what may happen in the future? It ruins the beauty of the day, the moment in time.  I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and think back to this time and wonder what could have been if I only focused on the truths that were slapping me right in the face. Wondering what would have happened if I just experienced things for what they are. Not worry about what will happen tomorrow or years from now, because no matter what – there is no way you can predict or perfectly plan the future. No matter how tightly you think you are holding onto someone, they can always find a way to break free.

Jealousy comes from feeling that another is your possession and the insecurity that you won’t be able to keep them tied to you. No matter what that person tells you, what experiences/memories you have together – there is always the possibility for them to open up to another person. Worrying compulsively about this will just cause you to be paranoid, moody, distrusting and ultimately push your loved one away. I don’t want my lover to feel they need to hide things from me… I want to be understood, and for them to feel I understand them. That I will be open to at least listening to what they have to say, especially regarding their feelings. No it won’t always be easy – and no I won’t always be so Zen-like about it, but at least they’ll know deep down – that I won’t simply walk away or judge them after they share with me. Communication is crucial, but you have to be able to say and hear EVERYTHING. Not just pick and choose the parts that are convenient. Everything that is held in, after all, causes pain to manifest.

I want to love without possession because I think that truly is what pure/clean love is. I don’t own you, you don’t own me. We are both equally aware that we are loving one another without the fear of losing. If we are meant to be together forever, we will be. If we are only meant to share a beautiful fulfilling loving relationship for a few years, then, I want to experience that too. We only have one life to live after all.

We are complex individuals, with a whole range of emotions and feelings. How can we possibly ever think there are only two choices to every major decision? If we open our minds beyond the black and white thinking we often fall into when in love — the possibilities can be endless. Maybe it’s the wine talking, and maybe I’ll never be in a situation that causes me to step away from all the pre-conceived notions I ever had about love again BUT…for now…this is how I feel.  Now just to get others to be as open as I… ;)

The only thing worth getting attached to is truth.
This is the only security, the only peace,
the only insurance in life we may know.
All suffering ends in truth.

I’m not sure if I have a perfect song for this post but…I heard this one on the train today and it made me tear up. I don’t like feeling like I need to abandon all the desires, dreams, hopes I once had. So…I’m not! There. Nobody can stop that or my heart…

Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (mp3)

I’ve been told only fools rush in.
But I don’t believe…
I don’t believe…
I could still fall in love with you.

I will love you till I die
And I will love you all the time.
So please put your sweet hand in mine
And float in space and drift in time…

And another good one…

Halou- Arryhthmia (Mp3)

Not to be scared when my heart skips
Not to be scared, not to be scared

And all I am is part of you
And I cannot be apart from you
It’s too much…

Tags: halou arryhthmia, jealousy, ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space, Love, love without posession, posession, spirtualized