.forgiveness.

We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies
–Voltaire

Earlier today I was speaking to someone at length about the power and complexity of forgiveness. When I really love somebody, it is easy for me to forgive them. It is something many friends of mine don’t quite understand completely because I will forgive pretty much anything. I think there are a mixture of reasons as to why…

First — I simply don’t get angry easily and when I do — it never lasts very long. Secondly, if I love someone — and I mean really love them with all of my heart – it is impossible for me to stop. There is this threshold, this specific point – and once someone meets and surpasses it – they are held in my heart forever. If they do something extremely hurtful to me — I will be crushed, and severely disappointed. I become disillusioned and start making up excuses for them in my head so that they won’t fall too far off the pedestal I placed them upon. I then remind myself it wasn’t ever safe to hold them so highly to begin with because, after all, no one is perfect. I may get angry, but again, this doesn’t last very long because all the love in my heart overpowers anything else. If they are genuinely sorry for what they have done — I am over it completely. If they never apologize — yet I know they are sorry because I *feel* it  — I will get over it as well.

Maybe it is more so my own defense mechanism because nothing feels worse than the disappointment in someone you care for, but whatever it is — it helps me to move forward, not judge, and be able to still think of that person fondly. I think it is important to forgive, because holding onto negative energy does no good anyway. When you are able to forgive someone – it means the love you have is genuine, and everlasting. To forgive, and love without being forgiven in return, is to love selflessly without expectation.

It does frustrates me though, if I am not given the same understanding and forgiveness. At least not right away. I don’t like when I feel a situation I find myself in is looked at through a hypocritical lens. I’m human, I stumble, fall, make mistakes, take a wrong turn somewhere along the way, but good intentions lie within my heart. I will overlook the indiscretions of someone I love for a long time, I will forgive even after they have done things to disrespect me and tear me to pieces. Yet there were moments where I have I strayed – and I was judged very harshly. As if all the patience, understanding, care I gave, has been wiped away by the “bad”.

For example, I will be understanding if someone’s heart is torn, yet my own confusion was, at times not tolerated. Not fair! (Sorry that was my bratty inner child coming out). Is it better to be 100% honest with what you feel – or keep things hidden in order to maintain order in a relationship? That’s a whole other topic…

I just hope in time, anybody I love, that I have hurt will find it in their heart to forgive me. In turn, they will forever have someone who will also understand them, forgive, and love them, no matter what. I don’t throw people away or give up easily. Once I open my heart and let someone deep inside (and I have only done this with a few) – that person is stuck with me in some capacity ;) I can only wish that if I have found myself deep inside someone’s heart, they hold me safely and warmly there as well… Especially if I am genuinely sorry and seek forgiveness…

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it… — David McArthur & Bruce McArthur

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me. –Sara Paddison

A classic I’ve always loved… Though he never explicitly asks for forgiveness, I think it’s apparent.

John Lennon – Jealous Guy

I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside

I didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry

Oh no, I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guy…

I close this post with some corniness from another classic – “Heart of the Matter” by Don Henley

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been trying to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore…

Tags: forgiveness, heart of the matter, jealous guy, jealousy, john lennon, Love