.mouth shut.

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul… – William Shakespeare

Sometimes, it’s best to remain quiet…silent where others would impulsively run their mouth rendering them foolish. Biting your tongue – when it’s easier to say something hurtful or ignorant is, I think, a sign of maturity and growth.

Other times, being silent, whether it be in keeping things inside in order to maintain balance, the peace within a situation/relationship, or to protect guarded feelings, could become extremely harmful to oneself. I have been struggling with this all my life. Not speaking up, burying feelings, thoughts, fears deep inside. I let things eat away and feel pressure, anxiety, frustration, stress. A combination of experiences has led me to deal this way. Worse still are times I try to break free of this pattern only to be met with a negative response -leading me to retreat even further- burying thoughts deeper. I try to avoid conflict at all costs – even if that is at the sacrifice of my own self and sanity. I think I am in the process of growing, and learning, that it’s best to let things out – in pretty much all areas of your life. At times – conflict is necessary in order to resolve issues at hand.  With relationships especially – I am leading up to the full realization that if someone truly loves you — it is safe to speak (or it should be), and arguments don’t automatically lead to separation.  Love needs to allow both people the feeling of security to enable an open, healthy flow of communication. Otherwise, it could lead to resentment, suspicion, rejection, etc preventing the overall growth of the relationship.

Until I completely reach that level, there is a constant battle within myself as to when to speak up, and when it’s best to keep my mouth shut. I tend to err on the side of caution (well, OK, with some things) I do have to say – it is a refreshing feeling to let go and no longer be afraid to open up. ;) I don’t want to be scared to talk to my lover – that’s… stupid.

I love this song – and even though it’s more of a breakup song – because it has the lines “I can’t speak to you”, I felt it was a good enough excuse to share.

Azure Ray – Sleep

And so I’m reaching out for the one
And so I’ve learned the meaning of the sun
And all this like a message comes
To shift my point of view
I’m watching through my own light
As it tints the shade of you

Hold my wine hold it in
Nobody’s lost but nobody wins
I can’t sleep
I can’t speak to you

Sound Of Silence

“Fools,” said I, “you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence…

Tags: azure ray, mouth shut, opening up, silence, simon and garfunkel, sleep, sound of silence, trust