.love lost.

01 Love Lost – Temper Trap

Can a relationship with so much past grief, deceit, pain, betrayal, dishonesty, spite, resentment, darkness, negativity ever be saved? I think it depends on the two people who are involved – but more importantly on how issues were dealt with and handled all throughout. Relationships that tend to be on again/off again typically go through a pretty predictive cycle.  Starts fresh (“pure”), things happen that hurt one or more people in the relationship – and there is a break. If the break was caused by something major – deception and/or betrayal (cheating) for instance – it is harder to regain that “pure” status again. What usually tends to happen is some time goes by – anger subsides and the two begin to miss/long for one another more intensely.  The good/”happy” memories are exaggerated and this unrealistic version of the past becomes romanticized. This is then mistaken for reality (“What you alter in the remembering has yet a reality, known or not” – The Road).  This could happen by one person or both. Same time, or at different times. The cycle continues when both decide they need to be together again and forgive one another for all the pain. Enter in the pure bliss phase. The reawakening of love lost.

There is a high – this love feels more real, true, honest, and pure than ever before. The angels are singing, both of you are climbing towards the heavens of your love. What could be better than this? The phase can last anywhere from 2 months to a year. Again – depends on the persons involved and how much pain their relationship suffered. It is a huge deal how people REACT to situations. We can gloss over this for some time –think we “understand” why someone would do the things they did. All in the interest of saving the “love”. It doesn’t last. We miss out on a chance at something solid while we keep going back to something that is broken and destroyed beyond repair.  Yes, you can patch it up – and it will hold up, but only temporarily. It is the addiction to the drama (the highs after the lows) that keeps the cycle active. Usually – one personality type is always involved. The person that NEEDS to be with another, yet at the same time – also needs lots of space. This causes tension, confusion, and resentment.

After a while – one person (or both) is reminded of all the reasons why it didn’t work out in the first place. Not only that — but have fun trying to trust after being hurt so badly. Trust is never the same. Major differences would have to happen in at least one person’s character in order to get passed a serious betrayal. Usually… those “changes” are not permanent and will wear off after a while. Back to square one. The relationship becomes more toxic and negative than ever before. Breakup time again. Now it hurts even more than the first time because faith was put back into something you, at one point were trying to let go of. Walls that were up for protection, came down and your vulnerability was attacked, yet again by this person. Add on more resentment on top of whatever other resentment felt prior.

How many times can you go through the lather, rinse, repeat cycle before completely fading away?

On a more positive note — I do think there is hope if both people truly forgive the other and have had a history of respecting one another when it came down to things.

This goes back to the way others react to pain/being hurt. Two people that truly love one another – wouldn’t lash out and do things purposely to cause MORE pain. True love wouldn’t allow manipulation to rule. Not everyone is perfect and sometimes we cause the most pain to those we love. If there isn’t a history of this within the relationship -the likelyhood of that person (or both) being genuinely sorry and “changed” are much higher.  There IS such a thing as a “one time” mess up after all. With communication, honesty, and the willingness to make things work – love really can overcome pretty much anything. Love can be lost – can be lost for a long time even, and then found later on to be stronger than ever before. It just can’t be one sided… and that love has to have a strong foundation built out of honesty.  I know when I say I forgive someone, I mean it, and I would do anything to make the relationship a healthy, lasting one.  I also know, when I make a mistake and hurt the person I love – there is no way I’d ever make the same (or another serious) mistake again. Life is too short to waste time. Make your connections matter and exert the energy needed to make them last.

01 Love Lost – Temper Trap

your walls are up

too cold to touch it

your walls are up

too high to climb

I know it’s hard

but I can still hear it beating

so if you flash your heart

I won’t mistreat it

I promise

I promise

our love was lost

in the rubble are all the things

that you’ve, you’ve been dreaming of

keep me in mind

when you’re ready

I am here

to take you every time

Tags: love lost, relationship cycle. breakup cycles, temper trap