.on love…and staying.

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

One of my most favorite quotations about love and it’s the kind of love I seek to find with another… I can say confidently that I have experienced it once this lifetime – many years ago with my first love… The initial passion, excitement may have died down but was replaced with a deeper passion, and a more honest, true, withstanding love, which is why we are still so close to this day… There is beauty in being with someone, experiencing moments of equal pleasure and pain — and continuing to be by their side. Not out of a sense of obligation – but because the love is genuine, and deep – hearts, souls intertwined with one another.  I find, many times, especially with the fool hardy and less evolved — they can’t reach or maintain this type of love because the addiction to the intense passion that comes from the start of a relationship surpasses feelings of commitment and loyalty.

But then…what happens? Cycles of relationships…Latching onto one person for a time, before moving onto the next once the intensity dies down. That’s sad, for years can go by and you are left alone – looking back at all the bridges that have been burned along the way.

Long term, healthy relationships last when both people appreciate one another, and are willing to work through the hardships. No relationship, no human is perfect and it’s a shame to let love die because it’s just too “hard” or too much “work”. Sometimes, love diminishes, because one person rather start fresh, than have to be accountable for any wrongdoing they may have done in a relationship or as a person in general.  I, no matter what, when in love with someone, will show/give unwavering dedication and loyalty. If it’s met with resistance and not appreciated, then it’s time to move on… True love can only be experienced if there is equal commitment.

Some are only as loyal as the options they are presented…looking over the shoulder of the person in front of them to see what else might be out there. How can anyone have a truly satisfying life never being satisfied and content with what they have? Running away from those who love them for who they are (good, bad) in search of a new experience.

Living that way will result in a cycle of love and relationships. Initial spark + passion + intensity  breeds love. Love then results in a relationship + experiences + happiness + pain + deceit.   Rather than working through the negatives – the runner decides it would just be easier to start anew thus beginning the next cycle. It’s an addiction to love coupled with the unwillingness to take on real responsibility for actions. A person can continue to run their whole life, or they reach a point where they realize the patterns and begin to appreciate someone’s unconditional love, versus placing more importance on initial passions. Finding comfort in the fact that their loved one knows them, their faults and all instead of seeking out another who knows nothing (or only what is shown).

I personally, am not able to wait for someone to reach that point for I have waited long enough… While there are people who run, there are also others who stay despite the heartache…  I, most definitely am a stayer and while I don’t regret any of it – I do know when it’s time to let go completely… I can’t be in a loving committed relationship alone after all. Both need to have the desire to try.

As I was writing this…I had the following Tori Amos song in my head. Random, and old – but about being so close to somebody, and despite tries to making it last – at the end, things just fall apart.

Tori Amos – Bells for Her(mp3)

There’s nothing we cannot ever fix I said…

And now I speak to you are you in there
You have her face and her eyes
but you are not her
And we go at each other like blank ettes
Who can’t find their thread and their bare

Can’t stop loving
Can’t stop what is on its way
And I see it coming
And it’s on its way …

Tags: bells for her, captain corellis mandolin, commitment, Love, tori amos