This was taken from a response on “Get Naked” — TimeOut New York’s sex advice column.
“Doesn’t it seem like we should all be long past the ‘my parents can’t handle the fact that I’m gay’ stage of human evolution? Not to belittle anyone’s struggle, but frankly, I find the whole notion that some folks still can’t wrap their heads around same-sex relationships painfully tedious…just because your family has issues with you being gay, that doesn’t mean you can fix things by time-warping yourself back into their dusty old mind-set. The only thing it’s essential for an adult to do is stay true to herself. It’s great to be close to your family, but not if the cost is your own well-being. Clearly, your folks would rather sacrifice your desires in order to keep their world hermetically sealed. Too bad. They don’t really get a choice in the matter. It’s 2007 for God’s sake: enough with the debates over gayness. Enough with the questions about whether they should be allowed to marry, to adopt, to be in the military, etc. Yes, yes, yes already.
The only thing gay people shouldn’t be allowed to do is succumb to their petty family’s emotional blackmailing schemes.”
Amen. While I disagree with the usage of the word “folks” more than once (just a pet peeve)– every other part is pretty much how I have felt for almost 10 years.
While my family is not as open as I’d like and hope, and while I still do not feel comfortable mentioning even vague details of my personal life–I do consider myself lucky in that I have a strong sense of self and through the years- my family has accepted me, not completely, but enough that I know they would never abandon me because of who I am attracted to.
I am so honest and open (sometimes to a fault) with most everyone in my life but I do hold back with those tied to me by blood. It is not because I feel ashamed, but I know THEY are uncomfortable and unfortunately with many traditional families– if their offspring is homosexual–immediate thoughts seem to be focused on the act of sex. Gross ma, get your head out of the gutter 
I haven’t even had any in God knows how long anyway!
I put up with the notion that I will probably always hear my girlfriend be referred to as “your friend”. I really don’t know why saying the name is so difficult. Maybe the name gives that person a more concrete identity and place in my life, and that is just too much to handle in that given moment. I don’t know.
For those that are still struggling with their families — I say to you — don’t worry. Things will eventually get better. Most likely it will NEVER be as picture-perfect as you’d like it to be, but in the LEAST–you and those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, will find that happy medium and be able to coexist peacefully. If THAT doesn’t ever happen, just remember that “family” does not equate blood and you do have people who will love you and all the different parts that make you who you are.
While sexuality does not define who we are– let us not kid ourselves. It is a huge part of our identity. Just like heterosexual women sometimes like to talk about men at random amongst friends/coworkers, etc, homosexual women sometimes like to talk about women at random. Just because it is different (to you; to some) — do not for a second mistake that for being “excessive” or someone “putting it in your face”.
And a word for anybody giving a family member a hard time for living and loving the way it is natural for them to–grow up and Welcome to The fucking World.*
* Excuse my French, I am exhausted physically and metaphorically.
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